Motherhood.

So I'm driving down the road one week ago....you know on the way to my new temporary housing from my home of the past 10 years, with a load of my yet to be planted pots and outdoor pretties....and I hear a message on the radio. Ugh...Christian Radio...Why must you be so pertinent? They were talking about helping out a struggling single mother for Mother's Day and BOOM it hit me.

I'm a single mother.

Yep, that's me. Single mother. I couldn't stop the tears from coming or the hurt or the sadness or the fear. What am I going to do? Seriously. What am I going to do? How am I going to raise these wonderfully delightful children on my own? I know that I am not truly alone, but I am sooo alone. I love my children beyond my imagination, but this is scary stuff. Their dad loves them, of this I have no doubts, but he has now become "fun dad" and I have become the "one that makes us clean up, practice up, sit up, zip up, brush up, wash up, homework up, play nice up, eat that up, stop that up, no biting/hitting/pinching/licking your brother/sister up, please sleep up, don't make me come in there up, if you get out of bed again, I'm going to have to spank you up, 1....2....3....now I have to spank up, Lord, please help me up mom." Fair? I don't think so, but again none of this is fair. I did not choose this, but I will do everything in my power to make the best of it. How can I not? I have the 3 most precious souls to protect. I have to teach them about overcoming hardship. I have to show them the high road...the value of a dollar...the meaning of a promise kept. God has given me the strength to hold my head high when it would have been so easy (and to be honest, gratifying) to stoop very low.

I am so blessed to have had the two best parents in the world as my mom and dad. They were strict but fun, hard yet soft, human and hero. They love each other and never kept that a secret. It is so easy to know love when you are shown love. They have values and they didn't compromise them to be cool....which in turn made them very uncool some days. They love God and He was always present in our home. Trust and respect were not a given, they were earned. My sister and I had to fight our own fights and find solutions to our problems. We were given life lessons and skills that have served us well as we became adults, spouses, and parents. Growing up in the Anderson household wasn't always the easiest, but I can't imagine where I'd be today if I hadn't. I pray that I am able to give these gifts to my children.

Ellie is sad that I won't be getting any "gifts" this Mother's Day. I told her that I didn't want anything, because I already have every thing that I need. She is a bit skeptical about that. She did write me a poem. And she tells me every day that she loves me. The boys are amazing. I can't tell you the feeling I get when I hear an unsolicited "you da best mommy ever" "i just wuv you so much momma" from 3 year olds. Their wet kisses and neck crushing hugs are priceless. I feel that they know and show love because it was in our home. We never shied away from saying "I love you" to one another. Hugging and kissing was common place. I wasn't faking it or putting on a show for my children...I don't believe that Kevin was either. All I know is that I have the greatest gifts on earth....the love of my children and God's everlasting and forgiving love. My heart, albeit broken and weary, is filled with their love on this Mother's Day.